Prepare to be run over…

Anyone failing to display the mandatory black velvet Methodist style painting of President Quayle on their living room wall… WILL BE SHOT.

For the longest time I have kept the same signature. Perhaps it has been for too long. But I have never been motivated to change my signature even when I have come across interesting quotes. It must be the result of pure laziness, I guess. Or a hole in my psyche.

The earliest recorded example of my quote is here on Tue Oct 28 12:28:16 PST 1997 where I fell into a trap of an internet spammer.

I remembered a song with those words in it. Back in the times of Bill, Sean, & Sean. But I could not remember which song it was. I tried searching of course. But I was never successful. You would think that it would be easy to find. There are only 9 hits on web pages that have the words “Anyone failing to display” in them. Plus, who uses the words Quayle, Velvet and Methodist at the same time?

Recently, I came across this Twitter post. Which is my signature. Those bastards! This spurred me into renewed searching for the source of my quote.

I found this posting:

We interrupt this program with a special bulletin.

AMERICA IS NOW UNDER MARTIAL LAW.

All constitutional rights have been suspended. Stay in your homes. Do not attempt to contact loved ones, insurance agents, or attorneys.

SHUT UP.

Do not attempt to think, or depression may occur. Stay in your homes. Curfew is at 7pm sharp, after work.

Anyone caught outside the gates of their subdivision sectors after curfew will be shot.

REMAIN CALM. DO NOT PANIC.

Your neighborhood watch officer will be by to collect urine samples in the morning. Anyone caught interfering with the collection of urine samples – WILL. BE. SHOT.

Houses will be inspected for trace elements at noon.

Anyone failing to display the required embossed Mexican velvet painting of Alexander Haig on their living room wall – WILL. BE. SHOT.

Cameras and surveillance equipment will be posted on all lampposts and streetlights. Anyone failing to attend required worship services on Sunday will be promptly arrested and dispatched to a re-education resort.

Stay in your homes. REMAIN CALM.

The number one enemy of progress is questions. National security is more important than individual will.

All sports broadcasts will proceed as normal. No more than two people may gather anywhere without permission. Use only the drugs prescribed by your boss or supervisor.

SHUT UP! BE HAPPY!

Obey all orders without question. The comfort you’ve demanded is now mandatory. BE HAPY! At last — everything is done for you.

It was very close. Obviously that person was inspired by the same source.

Finally, I found this posting:

This kind of thing always reminds me of a song off the “Terminal City Ricochet” soundtrack by Jello Biafra… “Message from our Sponsor”. It’s a pretty funny yet chilling song.

“ANNYONE WHO INTERFERES WITH THE COLLECTION OF MANDATORY URINE SAMPLES WILL… BE… SHOT…”

“ANYONE FAILING TO DISPLAY THE REQUISITE MEXICAN VELVET PORTRAIT OF PRESIDENT QUAYLE WILL… BE… SHOT…”

“RELAX. EVERYTHING IS DONE FOR YOU. THE CONVENIENCE YOU HAVE REQUESTED FOR SO LONG IS NOW MANDATORY…”

— LC

JACKPOT! It listed a soundtrack CD and artist. The movie was Terminal City Ricochet. And the music artist was Jello Biafra

I went out and purchased the sound-track right away. Track number 12 was “Message from Our Sponsor/Object-Subject.” The lyrics are the following:

We interrupt this program with a special bulletin. This territory is now under martial law. All constitutional rights have been suspended. Stay in your homes. Do not attempt to contact loved ones, insurance agents or attorneys.

Shut up! Do not attempt to think, or depression may occur. Stay in your homes. Curfew is at 7pm sharp after work.

Anyone caught outside the gates of their subdivision zones after curfew WILL BE SHOT. Remain calm, do not panic. Your neighborhood watch officer will by to collect urine samples in the morning. Anyone interfering with the collection of urine samples WILL BE SHOT.

Houses will be inspected for trace elements at noon. Anyone failing to display the mandatory black velvet Mexican style painting of President Quayle on their living room wall WILL BE SHOT. Under provisions of zero tolerance and the child protection and obscenity enforcement act, all property and life savings of suspected drug users and distributors of pornography will be seized and sold prior to trial. Cameras and surveillance equipment will be placed on all lamp posts and street lights. Anyone who fails to attend prescribed worship services on Sunday will be promptly arrested and dispatched to a reeducation resort.

Stay in your homes. Remain calm. The number one enemy of progress is questions.

National security is more important than individual rights.

Sports broadcasts will proceed as scheduled.

No more than two people may gather anywhere without permission.

Use only the drugs prescribed by your boss or your supervisor.

Shut up! Be happy! Obey all orders without question.

Shut up! Consume! The comfort you’ve demanded is now mandatory. At last everything is done for you.

I was surprised how close I was. Mexicans and Methodists are interchangeable, right?

While I was messing around with my camera, I came across an interesting problem in photography. What happens if you take a picture of a white cat in the middle of a snowfield or, for that matter, a black cat in the middle of a coal mine? Well, if you use an automatic camera, you are going to get a rather gray picture. You see, the camera figures that an average exposure of a scene is 18%. This is the middle of a geometric scale between black and white. And who says that your camera’s 18% is really 18%?

The first picture is a white sheet in bright daylight. Or, it is at least what the camera took of it. Adobe Photoshop tells me that the average values for this picture are around 140,140,140.

This time, I stick an 18% gray card in front of the scene and tell to camera to lock onto that value with its meter by using the “AE Lock Feature” (with the FEL button (Flash Exposure Lock)). It got closer, with average values of 230,230,230, but still not in the ballpark.

I finally switched the metering to “spot metering”, metered the scene, and then changed the exposure compensation until the bar was at the top of the graph. It got much closer this time with values around 247,247,247. 8 off. Which is close enough for today’s exercise. Who says the paper was perfectly white anyways?